Let's talk future?

"And the people stayed home. And read books, and listened, and rested, and exercised, and made art, and played games, and learned new ways of being, and were still. And listened more deeply.

Some meditated, some prayed, some danced. Some met their shadows. 

And the people began to think differently. And the people healed. And, in the absence of people living in ignorant, dangerous, mindless, and heartless ways, the earth began to heal.

And when the danger passed, and the people joined together again, they grieved their losses, and made new choices, and dreamed new images, and created new ways to live and heal the earth fully, as they had been healed."

----Kitty O'Meara. (thank you Kristy for this wonderfully worded quote!)

Everyone is having anxiety about the future, it is unknown (even more than it always has been) and no one knows what will happen. What will the COVID-19 change in our lives? Will anything be the same? Will our mindset/ourselves have changed so we don't go back to the unthinking, almost manic way of plowing through each day?

I know that I have addiction problems. It runs in my family, I can't hide from those genes. One of my addictions is online shopping. It's immediate gratification. I grew up very poor (my dad was a barber during the Beatles/60's at $2 a haircut). My mom usually worked 2 or 3 jobs. I was in charge of keeping the house clean, getting myself and my brothers to/from school, feeding my brothers, getting dinner started before mom got home. I always had hand-me-downs (thank you cousin Mary Beth) but never felt like a priority of any kind in my house. I think that emptiness has turned into unhealthy ways of trying to "feel full". I have been lucky enough to find a wonderful husband who understands my craziness, and four amazing children that have all helped fill the hole that felt unloved before.

I had knee surgery right before the huge Coronavirus outbreak became a worldwide fear. My wonderful family has helped me to stay quarantined because they are worried about me and my health (asthma, old, etc.) I don't know if being home, being with someone that loves me all the time, has filled my emptiness but I have not felt any urge to online shop. My husband is an amazing budgeter so he is in charge, and he is making the money for us all now, so it is not fair for me to spend it. I don't know what made my mindset different but it feels unnecessary.

During this time, it seems to me that people are not requiring immediate gratification as much as before we became aware of the virus, maybe I'm just judging myself. Since this pandemic has gotten the attention it deserves, I'm sure everything has changed, even if we pretend it hasn't. I am the Queen of Denial, but wake up every morning, remembering that this is happening and it is dangerous to everyone and it is our new reality-venturing into the unknown but trying to stay safe and keep our loved ones safe.

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